A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. Has he ever tried Alcoholics Anonymous?" o O o. The jury found him guilty and Jerry Bartle was sentenced to thirty years imprisonment. Q: Did you see my client flee the scene? Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo? Superman's favorite kind of bagel is called El Bag-El. Those of you who have teens can tell them clean courtroom defendant dad jokes. Odor in the court. I used to be a train driver but, I got sidetracked. A: No, sir, I didn’t. "I'm sure he has," she nodded sadly. ", A man gets arrested for making love to a goat in his barn and is facing beastiality charges. A: No. Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning? Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: His partners They really raised the roof. (pause) There being no objection, you may proceed. The judge calls up the first duck and says “state your name and what you did” and the first duck says “my name is Quack and I blew bubbles in the pond” the judge says “Okay Quack 6 months in jail” judge calls up the second duck and says the same thing. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." A: Your Honor Q: What do you throw to a drowning lawyer? If you love this bread delicacy, then you'll definitely love these few bagel one-liners. In the courtroom the judge says to Mickey, “Mr Mouse, I don’t see any evidence to support your charge that Mrs Mouse has become insane”. Yes, I know him." “A song, perhaps,” he thinks. 22. Q: Did you check for breathing? Q: How many times have you committed suicide? If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. I said that she was fucking Goofy”. Footnote: Please send in your funny courtroom exchanges. For example, Ben Payne sent this: More funny courtroom exchanges between lawyers and witnesses After the second day, the lawyer the tells his client to go home, and he'll let him know as soon as the verdict, One night, a priest, a preacher, and a rabbi are having a game of poker when the cops suddenly bust down their door and arrest them all on the spot. A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing? H.L. They are immediately taken before a judge who tells them "Look, it's late and I don't want to send three holy men to jail, so if you can give me a good. In a courtroom, where tensions are high... A wedding occurred, in Austrailia. Courtroom. Q: With your life? A kindhearted judge was commiserating with the wife. He paused, then added, 'If I had been the one that was there.' Q: And where is milepost 499? 70 … You lie, cheat, you manipulate people and talk about Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? A: The officer who responded to the scene. ", His friend approaches him and asks “what’s so funny?”. A: Yes. Actually, it’s more of a rap. Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? on March 25, 2013. COURTROOM JOKES Our courtroom jokes capture both the dense and witty drama inside the courtroom. A: Yes. A: Yes, sir. A: What disco am I at? Q: A fellow officer of yours provided the description of this so-called offender. A: By death. A: Forty-five years. ... 74 Apple Jokes, Puns and One Liners! By death. A: No. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. These jokes about British people will definitely make you chuckle. The alleged. A: Lipstick Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 80? Nothing happened. ". The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail and if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence. Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? I should have blown your head off!' And who knows? A: First he lies on one side and then on the other. "The ex-wife is not even dead, I am going to prove it to you, she is going to walk through the door in about one minute.". Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? © 1996-2005 by JokesClean.com All Rights Reserved. But you all looked on with anticipation. A: No. Jokes > Tags > Courtroom. Do you have a room were you change your clothes in preparation for the day’s duties? The other is a form of sea life. See TOP 10 witty one-liners. Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? He looked toward the courtroom door. Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? Mr. Buck: … His lawyer told him, "Don't worry. A: Yes, sir. At the trial, his lawyer tells the jury, “Ladies and gentlemen, I have amazing news. A: You see, sir, we share the building with the court complex. Q: How many were boys? My dad told me this joke, but I haven’t seen it any other places: “Have you been involved in an accident that wasn’t your fault?”. A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere. Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you? A: Yes, sir, I do. Some of these hilarious English jokes and jokes about Londoners will definitely knock your socks off! The judge calls up the first duck and says “state your name and what you did” and the first duck says “my name is Quack and I blew bubbles in the pond” the judge says “Okay Quack 6 months in jail” judge calls up the second duck and says the same thing. He picks it up and runs through the first door he sees, which leads to the judge\`s chambers. Yes, I know you." My mate’s chimney sweeping business is going well. A: Yes, sir, with my life. Of their five years of service, they were sued only once for a faulty submarine. Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car? Privacy & Security | Send Feedback Not only is my client’s wife actually alive, but she’ll walk through that door in ten seconds. As I … The first man steps up to the defendant's stand, and the judge says to him: "State your name and crime.". Q: You do? The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility. Custody Case. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Someone takes notice, and after a long and complicated series of accusations and charges the man winds up going to court. He says to the bar man give us a pint and one for the road. (whereupon Ms. Olschner swatted Mr. Buck in the head with the deposition.) A drunk was in front of a judge. In tennis, if one of the players wins the set 6-0, then it is termed as a 'bagel'. Lawyer Jokes One Liners 1. Matt Gutman shows us the best moment. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? The townspeople, who were always suspicious of strangers, cons, Lawyer: "Can we please postpone this trial? Jokes4us.com - Jokes and More. Q: What is your date of birth? A: Yes, sir, we do. She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Coolidge. The largest collection of the best one line jokes in the world. Q: She had three children, right? The Court: Next witness. A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. The drunk says, "Okay, let's get started." Because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around the courtroom. There are also courtroom puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls. Get outta here, you creep!". There is a lot of controversy around the subject of psychiatrists. A: We do. Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? Q: How long has he lived with you? This was a judge with a sense of humor. Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? He is led into the amputee ward and begins with some jokes, but not one child laughs. A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. In a trial, a southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand - a grandmotherly, elderly woman. since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him m. Another judge stops him and asks what's so funny. Nothing happened. So a man is in court and is suspected of murder. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. The lawyer was stunned! The Farmer, the Mule and the Rifle. by Stephen. A: Sure, I played for ten years. Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he? Q: And why did that upset you? I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. Russian dolls are so full of themselves. A: We both do. Enjoy these hilarious and funny courtroom jokes. Q: How does an attorney sleep? He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" 46. ... One-Liners. A big list of clown jokes! He looked toward the courtroom door. Breasts don’t have eyes. We hope that you will enjoy reading these uproarious one-liners as much as we did in selecting them. This was actually said in court and taken from a transcript: She is brought before the court for stealing. Absolutely hilarious one liners! mouse, it says here you want to divorce Minnie because she was... extremely silly? Yo mom so ugly when she tried to enter the ugly contest they said you should be a judge. Finally the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. Q: How old is your son, the one living with you. **Judge:** "How many peaches were in the tin? He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Whitaker, do you know me?". His lawyer says there is not enough evidence. Q: And you took your new wife? Police officers deal with serious situations on a daily but that doesn’t mean they don’t appreciate a good joke. Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated? o O o. A minute passed. The police get called in to break up the fight. As soon as the door has closed behind him, he doubles over laughing his ass off. -Henry Youngman. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Mickey gets a confused look on his face and says, “Judge, I never complained that she was insane. What are you doing? There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. Q: And by whose death was it terminated? Did you steal the car?” Client: … “What happened to my 12th juror?”, A lawyer tries a case out of town, accompanied by his corporate client. How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Judge Joke 2. - Steve Bluestone. They each appear in court. he yelled. Let me then ask you this, officer. Jokes that include lawyer jokes, courtroom jokes, trial jokes, witness jokes and jury jokes. His lawyer tells him that he will be in front of a jury, and his best bet would be to appeal to them. "Honey! A: Yes, voodoo. Enjoy these funny psychiatry jokes and puns. To become an American citizen Vinny has to go to court and stand in front of a judge. And sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room. 101 Fun Jokes has all the best courtroom jokes on the internet, as well as political jokes, police jokes and everything in between. “I wasn’t talking to you” the judge replied. Tommy Cooper ... 80 Short Jokes and One Liners!